Chasing Big Dreams

"The arts are not a way to make a living.  They are a very human way of making life more bearable.  Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake.  Sing in the shower.  Dance to the radio.  Tell stories.  Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem.  Do it as well as you possibly can.  You will get an enormous reward.  You will have created some thing."  
~ Kurt Vonnegut    

I am a stalker of Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth fame. Her no-holds-barred-tell-it-like-it-is style is so attractive to me. Whenever I need a dose of kick-in-the-pants, I stampede over to her blog and poke around for awhile. I would love to meet this woman and have her light shine on me. I think that just soaking up her presence would inspire confidence in my own dream making.

I have been thinking a lot about just these things that she posted on her blog today:

3 questions for easier living.

1. Out of what needs to be done in your life — work, household, creativity – what do you do best?

2. What space do you have access to — in your home, work, city — that makes you feel the most peaceful and/or inspired?

3. What are you doing that you resent, and how can you phase out of that?

So here are my off-the-cuff-no-editing-allowed answers:

1 :: Creativity. Without question. My household seems like it is a shambles at all times, literally things are falling down or failing that shouldn't in this home, there are too many piles, and the quote we got to make the tiny changes we want made me choke just a bit. Of course, I never promised that I would be a domestic goddess, but it doesn't help that no one but me sees the mass of crumbs on the counters, or the empty wrappers littering every room and the dirty dishes lying around. It squashes my ability to enjoy being there. And don't even get me started on work. This is the part of the question that is not easy. Being creative makes me feel so very free and alive. Sharing my creativity with the world and even more so bringing out the creativity in others gives me purpose. It is my passion and it is what I want to share with others to find the creative well and tap into it.

2 :: I would like to say that it is being outdoors, but truthfully I don't have a lot of time to actually be outside. More often than not I watch the day pass in all its glory outside the huge picture windows in my office on the Wisconsin River. So pretty and changeable every single day. But yet here I sit. (Back to question one). But I do feel that a lot is clicking in my own studio even with just that little sliver of daylight. But I have also been spending so much time in there, in a subterranean cave, that I know I am missing out on other things.

3 :: My job (again, back to question one). I sit at this desk, this computer for hours every single day, but it is a lot of wasted time as far as I am concerned. I know that I am not the only one that has faced soul crushing futility but sometimes when you are in it you feel very much alone. I have tried to phase out of it... I only work here 4 days a week, but that is not enough for me to do all that I need to do to make my own dreams a reality. So do I try for less time here, pulling back more hours? Do I seek something else that won't pay me nearly as much? Both options are fraught with issues. The truth is that my family depends on the income whether I like it or not. So unless I win the lottery or find a wealthy backer, that resentment continues to fester and suck the life out of me making it hard for me to see there there is a way out.

Whew. That was hard to write...and maybe to read. I would not say that these three questions make for easier living. In fact, the answers to them for me are downright scary. Shocking, really. Maybe if I were to take the steps that are in my heart and on my mind then I would find my life would be easier to live, or maybe harder. But what it comes down to is that it is really hard to jump off that cliff without a net. And I am not sure that there are others around me who would believe in this dream. It highlights for me that there is a big imbalance in my life and that time is ticking that I cannot get back. And also that I am doing things every day that I regret. Something has to give.

But just because I have that resentment at the current state of my affairs, it doesn't mean that I stop dreaming. On my radar and in my {big} dreams is this building...

This building is for sale in downtown Stevens Point {now sold :-( and not to me}. I have been in love with this since they fully renovated it in 2009-ish and opened a specialty bakeshop called A Dash of Delicious. I tried for years - years! - to go to this shop but they were never open during the week and had odd weekend hours. It is so very cute inside when I peek through the windows and aside from getting rid of the bakery equipment and adding a ton more lighting, tables, chairs and displays, it is turn-key. 

Lest you think that I have abandoned my usual creative pursuits and decided to add baking to my list (although I do make a mean Chocolate Chunk Banana Nut Crunch bread), let me assure you that I have grander plans than making cupcakes in this building.

I have been very influenced by the art experiences that I have had the past few years. I didn't realize until just now that all those experiences have been adding up to this moment.

Attending classes at the Bead & Button show opened my eyes to the myriad of opportunities there are to learn new things. And I know that people travel to far flung destinations like Art & Soul and Squam . I traveled by myself to DC for ArtBliss last year. Cindy and Jeanette saw a need and filled it in a grand style. It is a premiere destination now. It is incredible to me how far they have come with it.

Just last month down in the southern part of the state for the Valley Ridge Art Studio class with Richard Salley. Katherine Engen of Valley Ridge told me that this is her last season of running the studio. That made me so very sad because I had finally found my place and my people. I remember that I looked around at all the people who had been there multiple times and who kept coming back for more, the ones with multiple button name tags pinned to their messy aprons, and I wondered where they would go now. Katherine has built this amazing community, in part because of the special place and the wonderful instructors, but also because she herself is so encouraging and engaging. Katherine Engen is my hero. The space she had was not much bigger than this one with tables and chairs set up and stations for working on things like drills and torches and even a bit of display for retail sales. 

I am influenced by the few times I have been to the quaint shops in downtown Galena, IL and the way the classes were run by the ladies of Vintaj made me long for that sort of creativity to be more homegrown. In October I am making South Haven, MI my destination for the second Inspired by Nature retreat and this time I even get to help by teaching a bit. That harkens back to my roots as a teacher and gives me even more fuel to my entrepreneurial yearnings. And it makes me wonder if I have what it takes to do this.

So what does this building mean to me? It is a concrete embodiment of the fulfillment of a dream.

I envision this place to be a destination for creativity. All sorts of creativity... from fiber arts and bookbinding, to journaling and scrapbooking, mosaics and painting, and yes, {of course}, jewelry. A place where where creative sojourners could come to take in-depth classes with artists and teachers {national or local} who are tops in their fields in a warm and inviting setting. A space that would be filled with light and laughter and some really yummy lunches catered by the local cafes. Selling art beads as well as other harder to find art supplies that would make it very special like my favorite shop, Anthology, on State Street in Madison. With a fully updated and equipped apartment upstairs to host the lunches and even house the instructor (bonus!). A place that fits in with the three art galleries in the downtown area, supports the renowned children's museum and even complements the local paint-your-own-pottery art studio. I would encourage participation by the very talented art department from the local university, perhaps offering scholarships to students there or at the local h.s. to take classes with these masters. The location is ideal. The new technical college is moving in down the block and the Portage County Arts Alliance is just around the corner down Main Street. It overlooks the newly revamped square with a great farmer's market and a beautiful fountain. And it is just one block from the beauty of the Wisconsin River and the walking trails and parks.

It has become so real in my head that I can't seem to think about anything else. 

I actually drove by it again yesterday. And there was a parking spot right outside on the street. A sign that I took to mean that I needed to get out and look closer.

I walked up and down the street and looked at it from all angles. I spent time with the online tour of the realtor. I envisioned it filled with people getting creatively messy, sharing laughter and lunches. I pictured hosting events for each new instructor. I even wrote up a faux description of what I would do there, what it would be called, how it would work with existing art opportunities in the downtown area. I made a short list of instructors that I have taken or that I know that I would love to invite as well as local artists who could teach here. There is also a list of people who might be good resources to turn to for advice or help or hand-holding. I have this whole place fully fleshed out in my mind. The only thing I can't seem to do is get out of this dream state and into a real plan. My feet are planted in the right direction, but I can't will my legs to move me forward. I feel a bit paralyzed, unsure of what to do. I know that eventually (probably sooner rather than later) someone else will see the potential of this space and it will open as something else entirely. Who knows? It might already be claimed. Then I will taste the bitter pill of even more regret. Hopefully it won't be another tattoo parlor. We have enough of those in the downtown area.

Money is by far the biggest obstacle. And time. That and the fact that I have little to no business acumen. But I am sure that there are people out there that can do all the things I can't, right? And I have yet to even share the seed of this idea with my own husband and family. I am not sure if they will roll their eyes and not believe or just shut me down completely as a flake. Maybe that is what I dread the most...I would hate to disappoint them or have them feel that I am just on to my next crazy idea. But I am feeling very strongly pulled by this quaint little building. And even though it is bordered by a tatoo parlor on the left and bars on the right, it just feels like me and I am loving the dreaming aspect of this. The stepping-off-the-ledge-and-flying part is a whole different matter. That scares the crap out of me.

I am my own worst critic when it comes to {big} dreams. My PersonalDNA profile says that I am an 'encouraging visionary.' I have always been a loud and strong cheerleader for encouraging others to spread their wings and fly (just tell me your dream and I will be there with my sparkly pom-poms and megaphone). So why is it so hard for me to be my own ra-ra kick-in-the-pants cheerleader? 

I ask myself, would anyone come to a place like this? Would you? We are smack dab in the middle of one of the prettiest states around. Four hours from Minneapolis and Chicago. Three hours from Milwaukee. Two hours from Madison. Would there be instructors who would want to travel here? I have taken classes with some of the best, but I wonder if I could convince them to take their show on the road here. Would it be looked on as a crazy notion by the locals? I know that my friend who ran an art studio in downtown Stevens Point never felt like her vision clicked with the locals, so what makes this one different? Am I prepared for the hard work, long hours and sacrifices that would come with owning my own business? I like hard work, if it is something I believe in. And it is not about the money to me as much as the fulfillment of what is in my soul. (My family may beg to differ on that one.) And the best question of all...Am I nuts? 


But then again, I was willing to fly to the other side of the country just to take a class. I have made a lot of connections and acquaintances through each new experience that could be that wind beneath my wings. We have an Arts Alliance and a group of focused artists in this area and there is a big push to make this city an arts destination. I want to put in the hard work and the long hours for something that I believe in, that I know can make a difference.

If only I could breath in the air of inspiration every day and embrace the warmth of camaraderie of like-minded souls bringing them out of their creative caves and into the light that their own God-given talents, I would feel fulfilled, at peace. I have had those fleeting moments in all these experiences that has led to this point, but I want a way to sustain that, to make it an everyday thing, instead of just a few times a year. I feel that it is a calling. But am I prepared to answer that?

I believe that the first step to realizing the {big} dreams is to put it out to the Universe. So that is what I am doing right now...you, gentle reader, are part of my Universe. This blog is my journal of creative discovery, but I am unlocking this diary and putting this crazy notion out to the Universe so that its seed may somehow take root perhaps in hearts other than my own. It has been eating me up inside for the past few days, and I just have to get it out there or I might burst. Perhaps nothing will come of it, maybe it is already being sold as we speak, but just verbalizing what is on my heart and mind helps a tiny bit. 

I can almost taste it. And I am not talking about the baked goods. Or the bitter.

Now if I would just win the lottery......